So yes I am an opinionated person. Am I sorry for being that way, sometimes. When I hurt someone I am close to I am sorry for hurting them and I do dwell on it because I don't like to cause someone else pain like I am experiencing myself from other people hurting me. I am not sorry for my opinion. If I voice it I am most likely being convicted or have been convicted of something related to that opinion so I throw it out there in some ways to let people know I am not perfect. Mostly because people are so scared to let others know their flaws. Why? We all have them and sooner or later someone will see one of them.
I also put myself out there so if I know others know how I stand on an issue it makes me feel more accountable. Like if I mess up they will see and I don't want to fail God or people and cause others to slip down that slope with me so I work harder and pray more to stay on track.
I don't know what it going on in my life but here lately I am either being sifted by my Savior or satan is afraid of something about me and is mixing up trouble. I do covet prayer for these things and am humbled by asking for prayer. There are so many other things more worthy of prayer than my junk.
I find myself not wanting to be so open with my opinion out of fear of making others feel uncomfortable. I search myself to be sure what I am saying is God lead. I know I am not purposely singling out people to hurt and have found out the hard way that I have hurt people and I myself am hurt by that so I know it was never intentional. I also think why fear. If they are upset that I am not afraid to voice my convictions and that when I do it makes them feel uncomfortable like I am passing judgement because they do those things and I am not singling anyone out and have no knowledge that they do those things is it my problem that they are upset? Is it satan stirring up trouble or the Holy Spirit working when I don't know it is? I am not holier than though or full of myself. I just want to be transparent and people to be comfortable around me because they know I am not fake or hiding anything. I guess no matter what you will have it blow up in your face sooner or later. All I can be is myself and I am tired of feeling uncomfortable in a place I grew up in and feeling so out of place and unwanted. Strange how a couple of people can do that to someone.
I know there are things that I am very cut and dry about and am not afraid to say it because I have those convictions. You have your convictions that I may not feel as strongly about too. I am not passing judgement nor do I care what you do on your time. I do however want no part of certain things because of my past and want my name never to be associated with those things so yes I will leave or not show up. My business and I don't care what anyone else is doing. Others don't feel as strongly about their convictions or do and just won't act out of fear of rejection. I hate to tell you as many times as I have been rejected in my life what is one more if I know I am only doing what God tells me to do. It does hurt I won't lie about it and I am struggling with why do I have to be so different but I know that slope is way to slippery for me and I am not risking my testimony for it. Nope still not perfect but there are some things I can control.
There was a scripture that really spoke to me today. Psalm 62:1 I am at rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. How I long to have that since of peace I feel when I read that scripture in my everyday life. It is so hard to totally give it all away. Fully relying solely on his companionship and stop having a desire for the world's. And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, Today shalt thou be with Me in paradise. Luke 23:43. Was another verse I read today. A part of me longs for that day with no worries or hurt then the other side says not yet I have so much to do and to leave behind. Not yet. How sweet is our Lord. He never forgets me or leaves me just when I feel like a speck of sand on my kitchen floor tracked in by a flip flop and so out of place and out of sorts. Thank you Lord. Thank for for filling my cup and over flowing it with your love. And speaking when I least expect it even as I write this giving me full knowledge and presence that it is totally you. Awesome Creator.
So in the midst of this post I found myself reading some mini devotions I get emailed daily that I was behind on.
“In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise.” Proverbs 10:19 When you do talk, keep your words warm and sweet because you may have to eat them. There’s an old saying I heard a Rabbi use once that reminds us: “The ears are open and out. They’re unguarded, but the tongue is behind ivory bars.
Daddy always says think before you speak! There was more but I know I will mess it up. I always do.:o) I know I am better than I was in latter years but we never stop growing, never stop learning, never stop living. So on to more adventures and lessons I am sure they will hurt just as this one still does.
You are most beautiful in the eyes of the Lord when you reflect the humility of Jesus Christ. Humility occurs when one is faced with the true character and ways of God as seen in His Word.